Dedication - Doing something even when you don’t have to.
Motivation - Having a reason to do something
Will - Continuing on even when you shouldn’t be, even though you’re hurting, even when your mind gives up, but you still intervene.
MC for a debu party tomorrow…don’t know what the scheduled events are and no clue what I’m saying, or who I’m introducing. FML.
2 years since we’ve seen each other. 2 years of avoiding each other, and we finally met yesterday yet, we walked away from each other like we were strangers.
I want someone that will call me and not hang up til it goes to voice mail or I pick up…just so I can hear my ringtone
Scary thing is dying…but it’s worse when you know you’re going.
I remember…making you cry so many times. I remembered when my friends made a “joke” that I got in a car accident. You cried…and that’s when we started having this little war of pranks and jokes. I remember always getting into dumb fights with you…and making you cry. Then you wouldn’t answer me or say anything to me, and I’d have to keep apologizing.
I remembered…when I was talking about breaking up…your friend told me you cried on the bus on the way to school, and wouldn’t eat.
Through all those tears there was one good time you cried, and that’s because of a long poem I wrote for you. Talking about growing old together, getting married by the sea…and dying by the sea. When I gave you that you cried. Other than that I can’t remember anything else.
The worse feeling isn’t falling apart, it’s the feeling of thinking about before it did, and after. You get the worse feeling knowing what you did to make it fall, and the worse feeling after thinking about it after.
Honestly, sometimes I want to get into some sort of big accident or coma that makes me forget my past or lose memory. Only so I can start a new life. It’s crazy because I won’t remember who was close to me and who wasn’t, but the ones that really care will try to get me to remember them. I also think losing my past will bring my to a whole new happier life.
Sometimes I’d wish I’d just die off. Maybe get the load off of my family’s back. I haven’t done anything to help my family or friends. I’m not dependable or a good person. I can act and try but I know I’m not. This world doesn’t really need me. What am I doing with my life…Haven’t finished school, can’t even get a decent job.
I always thought to myself…I’d regret it if I were to die. I want a strong will to live, so I can do more things. I want to do so much before I die…but now when I think about it…there’s nothing for me to do. Life has too many complications and sophistications that are just so troublesome. I would much rather live alone somewhere secluded with no one…and forget everything if that was even possible.
I don’t want to be burdened by a continuous sadness that I can’t erase. I don’t want to have any emotional distress. I gave up school because I had too much on my mind. I gave up when I had no more to look forward to. I take things really seriously even though it doesn’t seem like I do. Sometimes I pity myself…for making myself seem so helpless but really I’m just…insane?
Either way…I don’t have that will to live any more…I guess I’m ready to go whenever now. With that ending..I won’t have to deal with anything ever again.
When you try to be a nice guy, people think you just want something or you get “friendzoned.” On the other hand, be a bitch and everyone hates you. That’s cool…
I want to go somewhere secluded…like top of a mountain and just scream at the top of my lungs out to the world. My face…is always a face of care free and happy and crazy, but deep down I need to explode~
Can’t suppress it much longer.